Sunday Art

Sandro Botticelli, Madonna and Child with Adoring Angel

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Crosby’s High

(Sung to the tune of “Eight Miles High” by The Byrds)

David’s high

And when he comes down

He’ll find that he’s

Been online

Guys in the street

Say, “Hey, where you goin’?

“That’s not where you get methadone.”

Liver died

Just go on tour

They still think it’s

1969

(Noodling guitar solo)

Ted Kennedy on Ice

Nine years after Ted Kennedy went on to what is, no doubt, his great reward, Democrats have decided to try and capitalize on a movie about his most noteworthy accomplishment.

Yeah, I know. They really don’t have much if that’s the best that they can do.

Anyhow, I was being a general nuisance on Twitter when I ran across this comment in the thread:

Frankly, I’m past the point in which I care to argue about that kind of thing anymore. That’s not the kind of post that this is. Rather, I want to use this space to celebrate the life of Edward Moore Kennedy. Mr. or Ms. (or Xer) “ConWebWatch,” if that is truly your name, this post is for you, mostly because you reminded me of this anecdote from a 1990 story on the illustrious Senator:

In a downtown office, a former congressional page tells of her surprise meeting with Kennedy three years ago. She was 16 then. It was evening and she and her 16-year-old page, an attractive blonde, were walking down the Capitol steps on their way home from work when Kennedy’s limo pulled up and the senator opened the door. In the backseat stood a bottle of wine on ice. Leaning his graying head out the door, the senator popped the question: Would one of the girls care to join him for dinner? No. How about the other? The girls said no thanks and the senator zoomed off. Kennedy, the formal page said, made no overt sexual overtures and was “very careful to make it seem like nothing out of the ordinary.” It is possible that Kennedy did not know that the girls were underage or that they were pages and, as such, were under the protection of Congress, which serves in loco parentis. Nevertheless, the former page said she did find Kennedy’s invitation surprising.

See, many people think that Kennedy’s escapades ended in 1969 on Chappaquiddick Island with Mary Jo Kopechne suffocating in an air pocket in Ted’s Oldsmobile, but I assure you that that simply is not true. Why, I’ll bet that many people, some even on the right, are unaware of this other story in which the phrase “waitress sandwich” had to be invented to describe the behavior of two randy Democrats:

Eyewitness Betty Loh told me that Kennedy had “three or four” cocktails in his first half hour at the restaurant and wine with dinner. When she walked into the room after Gaviglio had gone in, she says, “what I saw was Senator Kennedy on top of Carla, who was on top of Senator Dodd’s lap, and the tablecloth was sort of slid off the table ’cause the table was knocked over—not completely, but just on Senator Dodd’s lap a little bit, and of course the glasses and the candlesticks were totally spilled and everything. And right when I walked in, Senator Kelly [sic] jumped off…and he leaped up, composed himself and got up. And Carla jumped up and ran out of the room.”

And to show everyone just how little anything has changed, the story even includes a squishy Republican Senator from a conservative state making excuses for the old drunk:

When I asked Utah Senator Orrin Hatch—a conservative Republican who nevertheless works closely and likes Kennedy—if he thought his colleague had a drinking problem, I got a similarly telling response. “I wouldn’t comment on that. I wouldn’t comment on that. All I can say is that I consider him a friend,” said Hatch.

So I would like to thank Jill Filipovic and the anonymous Twatter for reminding me of just what a gem Senator Kennedy was, and that he would never have lived down Chappaquiddick had it not been for an entire establishment covering for him. Hell, I wasn’t even going to see that stupid movie.

Men in Black Megapost with Marilu Henner

I know what you’re probably thinking, but I’m not talking about Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones. Also, not Johnny Cash. No, the real Men in Black are

men dressed in black suits, sometimes with glowing eyes or other monstrous features, claiming to be government agents who attempt to harass or threaten UFO witnesses into silence. “All MIB are not necessarily garbed in dark suits,” writes American writer Jerome Clark. “The term is a generic one, used to refer to any unusual, threatening or strangely behaved individual whose appearance on the scene can be linked in some fashion with a UFO sighting.

If you spot a UFO in your backyard, or worse yet, are abducted by greys and left in a field somewhere, do not talk to anyone claiming to be a government agent.

Okay, so that might be terrible advice. So how do you know that the friendly (if a bit strange) men on your doorstep are from NASA or somewhere far more sinister? Glad you asked:

“This character was as bald as an egg. He didn’t even have eyebrows or eyelashes. It looked like he had smooth, plastic skin — like a doll except that it was a dead-white color,” Hopkins said.

“His lips were a brilliant ruby red, and he spoke in an expressionless, monotone, scanning speech. He constructed no phrases and sentences — just a sequence of words evenly spaced. His voice was completely passive with no inflection or intonation, as if you were hearing it from a machine that could talk.”

In keeping with the theme of these megaposts, Marilu Henner turned 66 on Saturday. Happy birthday Marilu!

The first known Men in Black sighting was in 1947, following the Maury Island UFO Incident in Washington, wherein

Harold Dahl and Fred Crissman report the explosion on June 21, 1947, of a giant doughnut-shaped “flying saucer” near Maury Island in Puget Sound. They make the report after another sighting makes national news on June 26, 1947. … Dahl reported observing six large “doughnut-shaped” vehicles … One appeared distressed and spewed chunks of debris that rained on Dahl’s boat, killing his dog and injuring his son. After taking shelter on the island, Dahl returned to Tacoma and showed the evidence to his employer, Fred Crissman.

Dahl also said that a mysterious “man dressed in a black suit” had menaced him and fogged his photographs of the incident.

In Toledo, Ohio in 1967 Robert Richardson claimed to have collided with a UFO while driving. A few days after the incident,

two men, wearing black hats and sunglasses and driving a black 1953 Cadillac, visited Richardson at his home at 11 p.m. to ask questions. A week later, two other men arrived, dressed in black suits, and asked Richardson to turn over the metal to them. When he informed them he had sent it for analysis, he said, they threatened to harm his wife if he didn’t get it back. He never heard from them again.

Author Nick Redfern wrote a book entitled The Real Men in Black: Evidence, Famous Cases, and True Stories of These Mysterious Men and Their Connection to the UFO Phenomena. If you like podcasts, I recommend listening to some of the interviews that he has done. Redfern has a new book on Slenderman, who he connects to the Men in Black. In a 2011 interview with New Dawn Magazine, Redfern noted,

There’s absolutely no doubt at all that at least some Men in Black do originate with official agencies. For example, in the book I cite several significant cases from the 1960s – including one from England and one from the United States – where people had classic encounters of the MIB variety, with the MIB turning up in a black car, wearing black suit and hat, and making a veiled comment to the witness about not speaking publicly on their encounter. However, the significant thing is that thanks to the Freedom of Information Acts in each country, we now have the files on both events. In the English case, the documents identify the Man in Black as being attached to the British Royal Air Force’s Provost & Security Services.

Nanoo nanoo, dude.

Thank you for visiting the second paranormal megapost at Trash Town. Please remember, these posts are dedicated to the fond memory of Allen at Goodstuff’s Cyber World. (Ignore Google’s stupid content warning. It’s nothing worse than what I have here.) Please check out his archives for an idea of what the great man did, and stay tuned for next week’s episode.

We Didn’t Start the Fire

Ben Shapiro’s next column will be about how the right should defend Bart Hubbuch’s speech, while getting undesirables on the right fired from their jobs.

In some other world that is not the one in which we live, I would say that this is a free market of ideas and a man should be worth whatever audience he can bring to the table. But now? Fuck that.